拾乐园 Paradise Found  

#21  春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
I try to give every line an O sound, but it might be too "ambitious" to do so, hahaha,
        

#22  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
自娱君译得确实漂亮!我只有赏学,哪有意见好提。 you've achieved your ambitious goal. congrats!


至于土老师所说coach, 确实是个好词。 我记得英文版《茶花女The Lady with Camellias》(不懂法语), 就用了stage-coach 和 coach 这词,是小姐贵妇乘的马车。
        

#23  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
我现在改用 chaise ....coach is fine...as I said it sounds ok...
        

#24  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
绣鞅玉环游。
灯晃帘疏笑却收。
久立香车催欲上,
还留。
更且檀唇点杏油。

花遍六么球。
面旋回风带雪流。
春入腰肢金缕细,
轻柔。
种柳应须柳柳州。


A Verse By Su Shi

The luxury chaise is ready to go...
Lights glow thro’ the screens, the belle smiles not though;
Awaiting her long, the chaise urges on...
Yet her reluctant steps so slow.
Lo, th' apricot-cream doth enhance her lips’ red glow.

Her floral balls toss high and low...
The wind brushes her face with the flakes of snow;
The vernal elf probes her willowy waist...
O it is so lithe like willow.
If you like willow, grow the willow in Liu Zhou.

Tr. Ziyuzile


再次修改。改 red lips glow 为 lips' red glow, 这样红的效果似乎更好 :)) 另外,改 of 为 in 这样 柳(留)的意象得以体现。


Last modified on 03/05/16 15:19
        

#25  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
Wow!!! A wonderful rendition! I'm truly impressed!
        

#26  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
还在修改。。。请云天君多多批评斧正!
        

#27  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
《茶花女The Lady with Camellias》

La Traviata
        

#28  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back


驿马车 Stagecoach 美国经典西部片
        

#29  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細             Go Back
Stagecoach
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A stagecoach is a type of covered wagon used to carry passengers and goods inside. It is strongly sprung and generally drawn by four horses, usually four-in-hand. Widely used before the introduction of railway transport, it made regular trips between stages or stations, which were places of rest provided for stagecoach travelers. The business of running stagecoaches or the act of journeying in them was known as staging.[1]

Originating in England, familiar images of the stagecoach are that of a Royal Mail coach passing through a turnpike gate, a Dickensian passenger coach covered in snow pulling up at a coaching inn, and a highwayman demanding a coach to "stand and deliver". The yard of ale drinking glass is associated by legend with stagecoach drivers, though was mainly used for drinking feats and special toasts.[2][3]
        

#30  https://www.zhuatieba.com/video/XMjY2NTUyMjY4             Go Back
        

#31  春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
精益求精,希望这是最后解读加翻译版本。。。云天君,上阙苏轼是描述出车前的一些事。妇女同志们在出门前总是很慢的,这个云天君你应该非常了解哈,哈哈哈,所以我认为 笑却收 不能译为 smile not, 为什么呢?那是因为 舞寰 正注意力非常集中地在化妆。。。这样就能解释下面那句 还留,还留等于是在说;‘怎么回事,这么长时间,还不出来?“ 那么是谁 久立香车呢,那当然是老苏和他的好友 田叔通,最后 舞寰 出来,wow, 真优美啊,你瞧,杏膏使樱桃小嘴更红了。那么下阙就是描述 舞寰 的舞技 了。



《南乡子·用前韵赠田叔通家舞鬟》- 苏轼

绣鞅玉环游。
灯晃帘疏笑却收。
久立香车催欲上,
还留。
更且檀唇点杏油。

花遍六么球。
面旋回风带雪流。
春入腰肢金缕细,
轻柔。
种柳应须柳柳州。


A Verse By Su Shi

The luxury chaise is ready to go...
Lights glow thro’ th’ screens, the belle’s so focused though;
Awaiting her long, the chaise urges on...
Alas, she seems so slow.
Lo, th’ apricot-cream doth enhance her lips’ red glow.

Her floral balls toss high and low...
The wind brushes her face with the flakes of snow;
The vernal elf probes her willowy waist...
O so lithe like willow.
If you like willow, grow the willow of Liu Zho.

Tr. Ziyuzile
        

#32  春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
精益求精,希望这是最后解读加翻译版本。。。云天君,上阙苏轼是描述出车前的一些事。妇女同志们在出门前总是很慢的,这个云天君你应该非常了解哈,哈哈哈,所以我认为 笑却收 不能译为 smile not, 为什么呢?那是因为 舞寰 正注意力非常集中地在化妆。。。这样就能解释下面那句 还留,还留等于是在说;‘怎么回事,这么长时间,还不出来?“ 那么是谁 久立香车呢,那当然是老苏和他的好友 田叔通,最后 舞寰 出来,wow, 真优美啊,你瞧,杏膏使樱桃小嘴更红了。那么下阙就是描述 舞寰 的舞技 了。



《南乡子·用前韵赠田叔通家舞鬟》- 苏轼

绣鞅玉环游。
灯晃帘疏笑却收。
久立香车催欲上,
还留。
更且檀唇点杏油。

花遍六么球。
面旋回风带雪流。
春入腰肢金缕细,
轻柔。
种柳应须柳柳州。


A Verse By Su Shi

The luxury chaise is ready to go...
Lights glow thro’ th’ screens, the belle’s so focused though;
Awaiting her long, the chaise urges on...
Alas, she seems so slow.
Lo, th’ apricot-rouge doth enhance her lips’ red glow.

Her floral balls toss high and low...
Her spins so swift as if winds whirl the snow;
The vernal elf probes her willowy waist...
O so lithe like willow.
If you like willow, grow the willow of Liu Zho.

Tr. Ziyuzile


Last modified on 03/08/16 15:06
        

#33  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
模糊性是诗歌语言特征之一,唐诗宋词尤甚。主语不确定,时态模糊等等,由此产生不同的解读。古诗追求朦胧含蓄的意境,现代诗崇尚意义指向的不确定性。模糊的文字给诗歌带来水中花之魅力,引入回味。但翻译,却要尽量准确贴切,化模糊为精确。岂不矛盾。

回到苏轼的《南乡子》,解读权在译者自娱君。欣赏自娱君的精彩解读! 不过我比较倾向照字面译,给读者留些想象空间。

另外,”面旋“, 我刚读到,指落花或雪花飘舞之状。土老师指出应为落花飘舞如雪花。It really makes sense. 我对诗词与翻译都是外行,以上皆为胡诌。 对自娱君的精益求精与译诗能耐,我非常欣赏佩服。


Last modified on 03/09/16 12:44
        

#34  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
落花。。。那就是指 么球 上的花了?好,我再琢磨一下,谢谢云天君和土先生!
        

#35  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
Lo, flowers fly as if wind whirls the flakes of snow...how do you think about this? 下阙是描述舞寰的舞技,所以才会把 面旋 和 twist or spin 联想到一起。


Last modified on 03/09/16 18:28
        

#36  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
我们今人读古人诗词还是费脑筋。用词习惯不同。

多亏土老师点拨。 我原还疑惑,怎么又雪又春,还遍查网络,真瞧见一文三月飞雪。
落花如雪, 这样就 make sense 了。

另外,上阙“灯晃”,似傍晚时分。印象中古人天黑点灯,好像没读到过白日灯火的诗词。 而下阙“春入腰肢金缕细”,又似白昼。 时态模糊。或是我理解有误。



自娱自乐 wrote: (3/9/2016 13:13)
Lo, flowers fly as if wind whirls the flakes of snow...how do you think about this? 下阙是描述舞寰的舞技,所以才会把 面旋 和 twist or spin 联想到一起。

        

#37  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
为什么 春入 这句你会觉得是白昼呢?
        

#38  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
我在新浪的网友认为 面旋 是东坡用典,描绘舞寰的舞技,舞姿优美,流转如风飞雪。
        

#39  春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
土老师私下点拨?看来自娱我得罪了土先生啦,sigh....
        

#40  Re: 春入腰肢金縷細 / 自娱自乐英译             Go Back
起先认为是雪,现在认为是落花飞舞,都是室外之景。 晚上黑漆漆的,怎看得见呢?

另外,“春入腰肢金缕细”, 我以为是人景相融


自娱自乐 wrote: (3/10/2016 0:13)
为什么 春入 这句你会觉得是白昼呢?

        

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