拾乐园 Paradise Found  
#31  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
give it another try:

Alchemy
Sara Teasdale

炼金术
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔
云天译


I lift my heart as spring lifts up
A yellow daisy to the rain;
My heart will be a lovely cup
Altho' it holds but pain.

我高擎自己的心,犹如春天
托起金黄的雏菊迎向雨;
我的心将是一只精致的杯盏
尽管, 它盛满苦楚。

For I shall learn from flower and leaf
That color every drop they hold,
To change the lifeless wine of grief
To living gold.

花和叶使承载的雨珠溢彩流光
我应当向它们学习,
将那死气沉沉的苦釀
炼成生机灿灿的金子。


(“炼”, 从Immanuel君译文中借来)




云天 wrote: (6/24/2013 23:43)

Alchemy
Sara Teasdale

I lift my heart as spring lifts up
A yellow daisy to the rain;
My heart will be a lovely cup
Altho' it holds but pain.
For I shall learn from flower and leaf
That color every drop they hold,
To change the lifeless wine of grief
To living gold.

炼金术
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔

我捧着我的心,仿佛春天
捧着一茎黄雏菊迎向雨;
我的心将是盏美丽的杯子
尽管它盛满苦楚。

因为我当效仿一花一叶
它们让每粒雨珠色彩斑斓,
我当把死气沉沉的苦酒
化作金子,生机盎然。

云天译

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

炼金术
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔

我托起我的心,犹如春天
托起一茎黄雏菊迎向雨;
我的心将是盏精美的杯子
尽管它装满苦楚。
花朵和绿叶把捧着的每粒雨珠
都涂金染翠,我当效之仿之,
将死气沉沉的苦酒
化作生机灿灿的金子。

云天译



Last modified on 05/03/15 16:50
        

#30  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Truly appreciate your kindness, bro. Thanks a bunch.

Wow, wonderful rendition with AABB rhyming pattern.Applaud!

我心沉甸了许多歌谣
仿佛硕果压弯了树梢
---- very nice!


Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful work!


Last modified on 07/24/13 02:32
        

#29  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Thanks, sis. You are always so gracious, in words and in deeds.

Appreciate!

Allow me continue the game...:)

------------------------
My Heart Is Heavy
Sara Teasdale

My heart is heavy with many a song
Like ripe fruit bearing down the tree,
But I can never give you one--
My songs do not belong to me.

我心沉甸了许多歌谣
仿佛硕果压弯了树梢
但我却不能给你一首
我的歌谣并非我所有

Yet in the evening, in the dusk
When moths to and fro,
In the gray hour if the fruit has fallen,
Take it, no one will know.

等到夜晚或落幕时分
有飞蛾到处浮浮沉沉
若是果子暗色里掉落
拿走吧,没人会晓得
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#28  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
http://www.tugan.co.uk/topic-2388/



1.

Like Barley
by Sara Teasdale

Like Barley Bending
In low fields by the sea
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly

Like Barley Bending
And rising again
So would I,unbroken
Rise from pain

So would I softly
Day long,night long
Change my sorrow
Into a song

麦歌
莎拉•狄斯德尔 (Immanuel 译)

如麦之伏
在滨之谷
歌吟无休
疾风无阻

如麦之扑
扑而复矗
不破此身
当破此苦

人如斯婉
日如夜阑
将此心悲
长歌当挽


大麦歌
萨拉.蒂斯黛儿 (云天译)

就像大麦
俯身于海边洼地
狂风中放歌
不停不息

就像大麦
起起又伏伏
我当不折不断
涅槃于痛苦

让我以轻柔心
日以继夜
将所有的忧伤
凝成一曲歌


2.

The Solitary
Sara Teasdale

My heart has grown rich with the passing of years,
I have less need now than when I was young
To share myself with every comer
Or shape my thoughts into words with my tongue.

It is one to me that they come or go
If I have myself and the drive of my will,
And strength to climb on a summer night
And watch the stars swarm over the hill.

Let them think I love them more than I do,
Let them think I care, though I go alone;
If it lifts their pride, what is it to me
Who am self-complete as a flower or a stone.


遗世之人
莎拉•狄斯德尔 (Immanuel译)

我的心随岁月的流逝而日渐丰溢
所求无多再不象年轻时那样幼稚
要向每个新认识的人分享自己
要为每个念头饶舌去矫揉雕饰

对我,纷来熙往的只是一个过客
若我还拥有着自我和对心愿的把握
夏夜里还有气力攀登不辍
山顶上看那繁星奔汇涌落

就让他们以为我爱他们更多
就让他们以为我还在意刻刻
尽管我早已遗世而离索
如果这让他们更自高自得
又与我而何多
一花一石好在其能自足自乐


孤独者
萨拉. 蒂丝黛儿 (云天译)

穿过岁月流水,我心日愈丰盈
那些年轻时曾经的渴望正渐行渐远
不再向每个过客敞开心扉
也无意用口舌舒卷我的所思所想

倘若我拥有自己, 仍握着信念
在仲夏夜奋力攀上山巅
看满天繁星奔涌如潮
那么客来客往, 与我又何干

就让他们以为我对他们爱意绵绵,
就让他们以为我在意, 尽管我独行于世;
倘若他们因而平添虚荣, 那又关我何事
我独善其身, 美如夏花, 坚若磐石.


3.

There Will Come Soft Rains
Sara Teasdale

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound,

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white.

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done,

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.


微雨欲度
莎拉•狄斯德尔 (Immanuel 译)

微雨欲度泥欲香
轻燕拟飞歌拟狂

池中夜蛙鸣自在
野外白李开芬芳

知更忙试新衣火
小篱闲吹旧梦长

倩谁记取兵火日
战事既休人既忘

置如鸟树不关心
倾尔众生亦平常

便是春主醒于晨
不知吾辈邈以亡


细雨欲落
萨拉.蒂斯黛尔 (云天译)

细雨欲落, 泥土芬芳,
燕子翻飞, 婉啭鸣唱.

蛙声四起, 夜笼池塘,
荒野李花, 洁白飘香.

知更鸟儿, 身披红裳,
矮篱之上, 痴吟梦想.

战火燃烧, 堙灭真相,
成败谁家, 世人皆忘.

人类相残, 终将消亡,
鸟木无心, 处哀不伤.

春神梦断, 晨光初放,
醒时恍然, 人烟渺茫.



4.

Alchemy
Sara Teasdale

I lift my heart as spring lifts up
A yellow daisy to the rain;
My heart will be a lovely cup
Altho' it holds but pain.
For I shall learn from flower and leaf
That color every drop they hold,
To change the lifeless wine of grief
To living gold.


炼金术
莎拉 • 蒂斯黛尔 (Immanuel 译)

我举着我的心,如春天,
向细雨举起了一盏黄黄的雏菊;

我的心,也会是一盏好杯,

尽管盛着的,只是痛苦。


因为, 我将学花和叶,
明丽了每一点雨津;
会把这死(沉)的苦酒,
炼成那生(动)的真金。


炼金术
莎拉.蒂斯黛尔 (云天译)

我托起我的心,犹如春天
托起一茎黄雏菊迎向雨;
我的心是盏精美的杯子
尽管它装满苦楚。
花朵绿叶把捧着的每粒雨珠
都涂金染翠,我当效之仿之,
将死气沉沉的苦酒
化作生机灿灿的金子。


5.

Let It Be Forgotten
SARA TEASDALE

Let it be forgotten, as a flower is forgotten,
Forgotten as a fire that once was singing gold,
Let it be forgotten for ever and ever,
Time is a kind friend, he will make us old.

If anyone asks, say it was forgotten
Long and long ago,
As a flower, as a fire, as a hushed footfall
In a long forgotten snow.


让它忘却
莎拉 • 蒂斯黛尔 (Immanuel 译)

让它忘却吧,象一朵花那样忘却,
忘却,象曾在欢歌中金黄的烈火,
让它忘却,永永远远地忘却
时间是好心的朋友,他会让我们变老的

如果有人问起,就说
很久很久以前,它就被忘却
象一朵花,象一团火,象足声
沉寂在了早被忘却的积雪


忘却
莎拉.蒂斯黛尔 (云天译)

忘掉它,就像忘掉一朵花,
忘掉一团金子般歌唱的火苗,
永远,永远忘掉它,
时光良友,他让我们都变老。

谁若问起,就说很久很久以前
就已经忘却,
像一朵花,一团火,一个静寂的足音
湮灭于早已遗忘的冬雪。



zt:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sara_Teasdale

Sara Teasdale

Sara Teasdale was born on August 8, 1884. She had poor health for most of her life, and it was only at age 14 that she was well enough to begin school. In 1898 she began attending Mary Institute, but switched rapidly to Hosmer Hall in 1899, where she finished in 1903.

Teasdale's first poem was published in Reedy's Mirror, a local newspaper, in 1907. Her first collection of poems, Sonnets to Duse and Other Poems, was published that same year.

Teasdale's second collection of poems, Helen of Troy and Other Poems, was published in 1911.[2] It was well received by critics, who praised its lyrical mastery and romantic subject matter.

In the years 1911 to 1914, Teasdale was courted by several men, including poet Vachel Lindsay, who was absolutely in love with her but did not feel that he could provide enough money or stability to keep her satisfied. She chose instead to marry Ernst Filsinger, who had been an admirer of her poetry for a number of years, on December 19, 1914.

Teasdale's third poetry collection, Rivers to the Sea, was published in 1915 and was a best seller, being reprinted several times. A year later, in 1916 she moved to New York City with Filsinger, where they resided in an Upper West Side apartment on Central Park West.

In 1918, her poetry collection Love Songs (released 1917) won the 1918 Pulitzer Prize for poetry – the first woman to do so – that was sponsored by the Poetry Society of America.

Filsinger was away a lot on business which caused a lot of loneliness for Teasdale.[3] In 1929, she moved interstate for three months, thereby satisfying the criteria to gain a divorce. She did not wish to inform Filsinger, and only did so at the insistence of her lawyers as the divorce was going through—Filsinger was shocked and surprised.

Post-divorce, Teasdale remained in New York City, living only two blocks away from her old home on Central Park West. She rekindled her friendship with Vachel Lindsay, who was by this time married with children.

In 1933, she died by suicide, overdosing on sleeping pills.[4] Her friend Vachel Lindsay had died by suicide two years earlier. She is interred in the Bellefontaine Cemetery in St. Louis.
        

#27  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Hi Bro,

I'm the one who's supposed to say "sorry for being slow".

"The poet is good at distilling richness of feelings and meanings into simple yet novel expressions."
--- Agreed. She had a sentimental heart that was born on a hot August day and ceased beating in the frozen winter.

You are obviously a perfectionist. Your translations are marvelous. Thanks so much for sharing, Little Sun.
        

#26  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Sis,

Twice we are on this thread almost at the same time...:)

I changed that sentence. Sorry for being slow with correcting things - I am not so happy with the whole thing anyway. Had to stumble thru it. The poet is good at distilling richness of feelings and meanings into simple yet novel expressions. It can be a trial for me.

You are certainly welcome to share with others. Always welcome!

Just look at the site. I like it very much.
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#25  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Little Sun, 可否将这首诗译稍稍改下? NO hurry though, please take your time. Thanks in advance.

本懒人欠朋友几首诗译,想从这线上选几首,贴到另处 http://www.tugan.co.uk/
若不允,请告知。Please don't say no.



Immanuel wrote: (6/2/2013 22:57)


我误以为为lift是揭开的意思

        

#24  Re: 蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》《细雨欲落》《孤独者》             Go Back
Immanuel 好译!

”主要的变动在主被语气上“
--- 嗯,很好的尝试,忠实原文。Immanuel 很爱动脑筋。 我也犹豫过到底用哪种语气来译。


谢美言。 站在别人肩上,自然应当流畅些。


余光中的版本中把”singing gold“ 译作 ”炼过纯金的火焰“。 网上通常译法也是余光中的意思。
我特意问我女儿 ”singing gold" 是否有别意。 她也认为只是歌唱的意思。 这也是我要译的主要原因。
我以为,singing gold 这里的拟人写法,是暗喻曾经流溢着火一般热烈的快乐的“欢歌”时光,后来却化作寒雪下湮灭的灰烬。 作者感伤之至,故欲忘却。

“曾在欢歌中金黄的烈火” --- “欢歌”,所见略同。 握手。

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

余光中译本:

Let it be forgotten
忘了它

Let it be forgotten,
as a flower is forgotten,
Forgotten as a fire that
once was singing gold,
Let it be forgotten for ever and ever,
Time is a kind friend,
he will make us old.

忘了吧,象忘掉一朵花,
象忘掉炼过纯金的火焰,
忘了吧,永远,永远,
时间是良友,会使我们老去。

If anyone asks,
say it was forgotten Long and long ago,
As a flower,
as a fire,
as a hushed footfall In a long forgotten snow.

如果有人问起,就说已忘记,
在很久,很久的往昔
象朵花,象把火,象那无声的脚印
在早被遗忘的雪里。

余光中译
        

#23  蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》《细雨欲落》《孤独者》             Go Back
读了余译,觉得还有尚可推敲的地方。你的翻译却近于完美。

我来试一下,主要的变动在主被语气上。有画蛇添足之嫌疑。因为我觉得你的更流畅自然。

Let It Be Forgotten
SARA TEASDALE

Let it be forgotten, as a flower is forgotten,
Forgotten as a fire that once was singing gold,
Let it be forgotten for ever and ever,
Time is a kind friend, he will make us old.

让它忘却吧,象一朵花那样忘却,
忘却,象曾在欢歌中金黄的烈火,
让它忘却,永永远远地忘却

时间是好心的朋友,他会让我们变老的。

If anyone asks, say it was forgotten
Long and long ago,
As a flower, as a fire, as a hushed footfall
In a long forgotten snow.

如果有人问起,就说
很久很久以前,它就被忘却
象一朵花,象一团火,象足声
沉寂在了早被忘却的积雪
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#22  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
刚在博友无心剑那里看到一首诗,凑个热闹:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_5f6061f50102e72z.html#comment1
(新浪的无心剑同自娱自乐二位译友是从前在译站认识的。两位好身手,且很用功。Immanuel 同徐飞也都很厉害,你们若有兴趣可去交流。 我忙且懒,久久才译。汗颜。)


My Heart Is Heavy
Sara Teasdale

My heart is heavy with many a song
Like ripe fruit bearing down the tree,
But I can never give you one--
My songs do not belong to me.

Yet in the evening,in the dusk
When moths to and fro,
In the gray hour if the fruit has fallen,
Take it, no one will know.

心沉沉
莎拉。蒂斯黛儿

有多少支歌,坠在我心头
仿佛熟透的果子,压弯枝头
但我永远不能赠你一首--
我的歌儿,都非我所有

在傍晚,在暮色里
飞蛾来来去去扇动双翅
黄昏时分,倘若落下一颗果子
请你捡起,没谁会留意

云天译


Last modified on 07/05/13 11:13
        

#21  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
I Remembered
Sara Teasdale

There never was a mood of mine,
Gay or heart-broken, luminous or dull,
But you could ease me of its fever
And give it back to me more beautiful.
In many another soul I broke the bread,
And drank the wine and played the happy guest,
But I was lonely, I remembered you;
The heart belongs to him who knew it best.

我曾记得
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔

无论我有怎样的心境,
快乐或哀伤,灿烂或忧郁,
你都能平息我的焦躁
赋予我更美的心绪。

置身于人群之中, 我掰饼,
饮酒,扮成开心客,
可我是孤独的, 我想起你;
心只属于最懂它的哥。

云天译
        



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