拾乐园 Paradise Found  

#61  Re: 云烟: 李涉:题鹤林寺僧舍,贝多芬“告别奏鸣曲”             Go Back
云天君厉害啊! 这样我也贴出一版与你同乐一番,哈哈哈,欢迎批评指正!^_^


《春 晓》- 孟浩然
  
春眠不觉晓,
处处闻啼鸟。
夜来风雨声,
花落知多少?

A Spring Morning
by Meng Haoran
tr. ziyuzile

I slept through until the first light;
Hark, far and near spring birds hum air.
How many petals overnight
Did the tempest strike down out there?


I slept through until the first light;
Hark, spring birds sing songs here and there.
How many flowers overnight
I wonder th' thunderstorm did spare.
        

#62  Re: 云烟: 李涉:题鹤林寺僧舍,贝多芬“告别奏鸣曲”             Go Back
拙译让自娱君见笑了,呵呵。
“批评指正“? i wish. 可惜一没资本,二没机会.自娱君的诗译,从用词到语法都很难挑骨头。

两首都好。自娱君诗译句式灵活,用词考究,读起来非常enjoyable. 自娱君脑袋好使。


还是要请教一下:
"Hark, far and near spring birds hum air"
---- 可否: Hark, far and near spring birds hum in air.


赏学之后,献拙凑兴,请自娱君斧正。

Spring Morning
by Meng Haoran
Tr. Yuntian

I awake when dawn peeps through the window,
hearing birds tweet everywhere in the air.
I wonder last night amidst rainstorm's bellow
How many flower petals have fallen in despair.


Last modified on 01/18/14 16:53
        

#63  Re: 云烟: 李涉:题鹤林寺僧舍,贝多芬“告别奏鸣曲”             Go Back
赏学云天君妙译!hum in the air 当然可以,不过让人感到这鸟是不是都在空中唱歌呢?我是为了八个音节,二来嘛 air 有 music / a melody or tune 的含意,所以就这么用了。谢谢云天君的探讨!
        

#64  Re: 云烟: 李涉:题鹤林寺僧舍,贝多芬“告别奏鸣曲”             Go Back
”我是为了八个音节,二来嘛 air 有 music / a melody or tune 的含意“
--- 八个音节,自娱君的脚镣舞跳得曼妙而严格哦。厉害。
啊,原来 air 还有这个含意。 受教了。多谢自娱君!

自娱君是 walking dictionary.


Last modified on 01/20/14 02:57
        

#65  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
Share your grieves? Grieve is basically a verb, and its noun form is grief, right? Grieve as noun seems to mean something else?
        

#66  Re: 云烟: 李涉:题鹤林寺僧舍,贝多芬“告别奏鸣曲”             Go Back
Hahaha, well, I do believe you overrate me my dear yuntian :))
        

#67  Re: 云烟: 李涉:题鹤林寺僧舍,贝多芬“告别奏鸣曲”             Go Back
my dear friend, you are certainly not overrated. you deserve all the praise, if not more.



自娱自乐 wrote: (1/20/2014 17:47)
Hahaha, well, I do believe you overrate me my dear yuntian :))



Last modified on 01/21/14 10:28
        

#68  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
nothing escapes your eyes. it takes great knowledge to have an eagle eye. you have my admiration.

you are absolutely right. grief has no plural form. many thanks!

Grieve as noun means "a farm manager or overseer". just checked dictionary. :)


自娱自乐 wrote: (1/20/2014 17:46)
Share your grieves? Grieve is basically a verb, and its noun form is grief, right? Grieve as noun seems to mean something else?

        

#69  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
hi Immanuel, come out wherever you are. time to continue the fun.



Immanuel wrote: (1/20/2013 23:30)

================

《伤秋》
卢纶

岁去人头白,秋来树叶黄。
搔头向黄叶,与尔共悲伤。

By Immanuel
Years pass grayed my hair
Autumn comes goldened the leaves
Scratching my hair to attend the leave's fair
And I’d share your grieves

        

#70  Re: 云烟: 李涉:题鹤林寺僧舍,贝多芬“告别奏鸣曲”             Go Back
hahaha, at any rate, I thank you very much for your heartfelt encouragement! And honestly I don't think we need to stand on ceremony. ^_^
        

#71  Re: 云烟: 賈島: 三月晦日送春             Go Back
Inspired by Yuntian's superb poem and the rendition, I try my humble hand at it for fun as well:))

《白云泉》- 云天


山溪九里汇清泉
野鹤淩波碧涧闲
纵酒吟歌何处去
湖心泛棹水云间


White Cloud Spring
by Yuntian
tr. ziyuzile

The hill streamlets skip miles into the spring,
Whence wild cranes while away in spirits high.
Where could I joy myself to drink and sing?
O just oar on the cloudy lake neath th’ sky.



(图片来自网络,特此致谢)


Last modified on 01/25/14 05:26
        

#72  Re: 云烟: 賈島: 三月晦日送春             Go Back
赏学云天君美译!我贴上自娱拙译与你同乐一番,呵呵呵


《山中与幽人对酌》- 李白



两人对酌山花开,

一杯一杯复一杯。

我醉欲眠卿且去,

明朝有意抱琴来。



Drinking With A Hermit In The Mountain

by Li Bai

tr. Ziyuzile



All mountain flowers seem blossoming as we wine,

One cup after one cup followed by one again.

I’m drunk and sleepy, dear friend, thou mayst leave 'tis fine,

Next morn, if thou lik’st, with thy lute come by amain.





The mountain flowers seem in full bloom as we wine,

One cup after one cup followed by still one cup.

I’m tipsy and sleepy, mate you may leave 'tis fine,

Next morn, if you like, with your lute pray show up.





All mountain flowers seem blossoming as we wine,

One cup followed by another cup without cease.

I’m drunk and sleepy, buddy you may leave, 'tis fine,

Next morn, if you'd like, with your lute come by please.





As we wine, th’ hill abloom afire;

Cup after a cup without cease.

I’m tipsy, so you may retire,

Next morn with thy lute you’d come please.
        

#73  Re: 云烟: 賈島: 三月晦日送春             Go Back
my gosh, such splendid renditions! many thanks!


大谢自娱君! 先请听曲:


闲云野鹤 刘星

        

#74  Re: 云烟: 賈島: 三月晦日送春             Go Back
《山中与幽人对酌》, 自娱君的四个版本版版精彩,bravo!!!
读来真是无酒亦醉, i'm tipsy now. cheers.

”All mountain flowers seem blossoming as we wine“
-- seem 用得妙。”两人对酌山花开“, 原来还可以这么解。有道理,有意思。赏学。

"'tis, lik'st, thou, mayst " 等词令译文古色古香,很合古诗风格。 自娱君英文研究得真到家,PF。


特别难得的是,整个诗译节奏感非常好,把李白醉酒的随意狂放表达得非常到位。 非高手之高手难酿此等佳译。自娱君译功厉害!




自娱自乐 wrote: (1/25/2014 12:55)
赏学云天君美译!我贴上自娱拙译与你同乐一番,呵呵呵


《山中与幽人对酌》- 李白



两人对酌山花开,

一杯一杯复一杯。

我醉欲眠卿且去,

明朝有意抱琴来。



Drinking With A Hermit In The Mountain

by Li Bai

tr. Ziyuzile



All mountain flowers seem blossoming as we wine,

One cup after one cup followed by one again.

I’m drunk and sleepy, dear friend, thou mayst leave 'tis fine,

Next morn, if thou lik’st, with thy lute come by amain.





The mountain flowers seem in full bloom as we wine,

One cup after one cup followed by still one cup.

I’m tipsy and sleepy, mate you may leave 'tis fine,

Next morn, if you like, with your lute pray show up.





All mountain flowers seem blossoming as we wine,

One cup followed by another cup without cease.

I’m drunk and sleepy, buddy you may leave, 'tis fine,

Next morn, if you'd like, with your lute come by please.





As we wine, th’ hill abloom afire;

Cup after a cup without cease.

I’m tipsy, so you may retire,

Next morn with thy lute you’d come please.



Last modified on 01/26/14 03:17
        

#75  Re: 云烟: 賈島: 三月晦日送春             Go Back
谢谢云天鼓励!看来你是非要让我 to be on cloud nine .....
        

#76  Re: 云烟: 賈島: 三月晦日送春             Go Back
我若有自娱君的译功,肯定也会 feel like on cloud nine all the time.
        

#77  Re: 云烟: 賈島: 三月晦日送春             Go Back

自娱自乐 wrote: (1/25/2014 2:2)
Inspired by Yuntian's superb poem and the rendition, I try my humble hand at it for fun as well:))

《白云泉》- 云天


山溪九里汇清泉
野鹤淩波碧涧闲
纵酒吟歌何处去
湖心泛棹水云间


White Cloud Spring
by Yuntian
tr. ziyuzile

The hill streamlets skip miles into the spring,
Whence wild cranes while away in spirits high.
Where could I joy myself to drink and sing?
O just oar on the cloudy lake neath th’ sky.



(图片来自网络,特此致谢)



多谢自娱君美译!


拙译好比村姑,英诗美若天仙。翻译是再创作,此言不虚。 自娱君生花妙笔。

“skip”--- 拟人化,生动

Whence wild cranes while away in spirits high. --- 意境更高

“neath” -- beneath. i'm learning something new again. thanks.


自娱君总能把汉语繁复的意思译得这么简洁漂亮,太有才了。


管平湖先生撫奏琴曲《流水》


Last modified on 01/28/14 22:13
        

#78  王维的《鸟鸣涧》             Go Back
Wow, fun, fun, fun! How a great party you guys have here. Just feasted a bit. It tastes super!

Bravo!

Look forward to more courses....:)
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#79  Re: 王维的《鸟鸣涧》             Go Back

Immanuel wrote: (1/31/2014 22:13)
Wow, fun, fun, fun! How a great party you guys have here. Just feasted a bit. It tastes super!

Bravo!

Look forward to more courses....:)



IM君,我赏学了你和云天君的所有译作,两个字 “钦佩”,真是好功力,希望您和云天君能常来转转,多多交流指导!
        

#80  Re: 王维的《鸟鸣涧》             Go Back
Hi, Immanuel, wonderful to see you here again.

自娱一来,Immanuel 又露面了。自娱君的美译太有魅力了。
二位谦谦君子,都客气得很。 有机会向二位学习,太好了,还请多多赐教。
        

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