拾乐园 Paradise Found  

#41  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
Wonderful to see you again, my friend. Happy New Year!

Well, I'm actually quite busy these days. Nonetheless, I indulge myself playing with words for a pastime whenever I can. Your nice translation and golden bricks are always appreciated.

Care to share some of your wonderful works?

Happy weekend!


J.S. Bach~ Orchestral Suite No.4 in D major, BWV 1069: Ouverture (1)

        

#42  王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
Don't think I can detract any of your credit
but I will try to pass the test
If I fail to entertain any of your merit
I'd blame you for drawing me into a losing contest

ha-ha-ha

Will try on few "Wu-Jue"...

================

《伤秋》
卢纶

岁去人头白,秋来树叶黄。
搔头向黄叶,与尔共悲伤。


Autumn Grief
By Lu Lun
Tr. Yuntian

As years go by, on my head grey hairs grow
When autumn comes, the leaves turn yellow
Scratching my head, I turn to them and sigh,
“Let’s share the sorrow together, you and I.”

By Immanuel
Years pass grayed my hair
Autumn comes goldened the leaves
Scratching my hair to attend the leave's fair
And I’d share your grieves

秋风引
唐.刘禹锡

何处秋风至?
萧萧送雁群。
朝来入庭树,
孤客最先闻。

Autumn Wind
By Liu Yuxi of Tang Dynasty
Tr. Yuntian

Whence does the autumn wind rise?
It sees off the wild geese in cries.
At dawn drifting into the courtyard tree
It’s first heard by a traveler so lonely.

By Immanuel:
Where comes this autumn chill?
in lull and sorrow fares the geese well
When the Sun beams on trees in the court
Surely this lone-ranger is the first to report

鹿柴
王维


空山不见人,
但闻人语响;
返景入深林,
复照青苔上。


The Deer Enclosure
By Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty
Tr. Yuntian

In the empty mountain no one is in sight
Yet human voices are echoing in the ravine;
Through deep woods filters the twilight
Which then reflects upon moss so green.

By Immanuel
This vacant moutain appears to entertain none
Yet I hear voices going on and on
Withdrawn to the deep forest
on verdant moss again the Sun comes to rest

樂遊原
(唐) 李商隱

向晚意不適,驅車登古原.
夕陽無限好,只是近黃昏.

Plateau of Le-You
by Li Shangyin of Tang Dynasty
Tr. Yuntian

Towards evening hour I feel a bit low
And ride in a coach up the ancient plateau.
The sunset is such a splendid sight
Only it’s about to fade into the twilight.

By Immanuel
When evening closed in my heart hardly found fain
Rushing my chariot I consorted to the ancient (battle ?) plain
How the sunset inaugurated a splendid sight
Only to dwindle quickly into the twilight!
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#43  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
Wow, amazing work, my friend. Truly enjoy reading your wonderful translation.
A contest? NO no, I dare not have one. For fun only.


In 《伤秋》, "attend the leave's fair" is a nice interpretation of "向黄叶".

Another try:

《伤秋》
卢纶

岁去人头白,秋来树叶黄。
搔头向黄叶,与尔共悲伤。

Autumn Grief
By Lu Lun

My grey hairs grow as years pass by
In autumn chill the leaves turn yellow
I scratch my head to heave a sigh
Leaves, together let’s share the sorrow

Tr. Yuntian


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Autumn Grief
By Lu Lun
Tr. Yuntian

As years go by, on my head grey hairs grow
When autumn comes, the leaves turn yellow
Scratching my head, I turn to them and sigh,
“Let’s share the sorrow together, you and I.”

By Immanuel
Years pass grayed my hair
Autumn comes goldened the leaves
Scratching my hair to attend the leave's fair
And I’d share your grieves



Will continue next time. Have a nice week ahead my friend.


Last modified on 02/02/13 14:41
        

#44  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
“Surely this lone-ranger is the first to report”,Immanuel脑袋真能转啊。学习了。
拜读美译,thanks so much for sharing, my friend.

Another try:

秋风引
唐.刘禹锡

何处秋风至?
萧萧送雁群。
朝来入庭树,
孤客最先闻。

Autumn Wind
By Liu Yuxi of Tang Dynasty

Whence does the autumn wind rise?
The wild geese ride it across the sky
As the courtyard trees rustle at sunrise
A lonely traveler first hears its cry

Tr. Yuntian

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Autumn Wind
By Liu Yuxi of Tang Dynasty
Tr. Yuntian

Whence does the autumn wind rise?
It sees off the wild geese in cries.
At dawn drifting into the courtyard tree
It’s first heard by a traveler so lonely.

By Immanuel:
Where comes this autumn chill?
in lull and sorrow fares the geese well
When the Sun beams on trees in the court
Surely this lone-ranger is the first to report
        

#45  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
秋风引
唐.刘禹锡

何处秋风至?
萧萧送雁群。
朝来入庭树,
孤客最先闻。


此地四季并不分明,时令上虽是冬天,这几日气温总在六十几度,走在阳光下,一件衬衫足矣,感觉是早春了,也的确如此, 玉兰梨花都开了,大女儿说,I smell pollen in the air.

而今晚读此诗时,却如置身于清秋的寒风里。 古人写秋,多有感伤,这首也不例外。风萧萧,雁南飞,风动树摇,孤客心惊。诗人以有形之雁群、庭树赋无形之风。而天涯“孤客”,四顾茫茫,最能感受秋风秋雨的凄凄惨惨戚戚。倘若是客栈主人,生意兴隆,即便终日驻足庭树之下,也未必会有所感触,最多一句“天凉好个秋”罢了。脆弱之心往往异常善感。诗人刘禹锡当时人生必不顺畅。人生一路走来,孤独时刻难免。大学毕业送行的站台上,泪眼朦胧,《大约在冬天》一唱再唱,反反复复的歌声里,漂荡着多少踏上未知之旅的孤独心。多年前的初夏,挥别美丽的小城,南行的高速公路上,没有冷气的车中回旋着卡朋特的歌声。 那是年轻而穷困时买的第一盘磁带。闷热的空气里,音符漂落如秋叶。。。

秋诗难得不悲秋,例外之一即为刘禹锡本人的《秋词》:

自古逢秋悲寂寥,
我言秋日胜春朝。
晴空一鹤排云上,
便引诗情到碧霄。

这首诗何等乐观,秋天不写哀雁,而代之以冲向九天的“晴空一鹤”,一幅明朗灿烂的秋景图。诗大抵都是托物言情,借自然风景抒人生悲喜哀乐之情,所谓“感时花溅泪,恨别鸟惊心”。故而刘禹锡两首秋诗两样情。”You never step into the same river twice”,how true.

一首诗,有诗题诗句,似乎还不完整,最好注以作诗时的年月日,至少可以让读者了解是哪个年龄段的作品,当时有何重大事件发生。只在网上泛泛读到刘禹锡的生平,知道他“两度贬谪”,仅从这两首诗,也可一窥其人生之跌宕。《陋室铭》《乌衣巷》《竹枝词》等也是刘禹锡的名篇。

为译诗而一字一句细细品味,竟瞎写了这么几句。 见笑。






        

#46  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
“on verdant moss again the Sun comes to rest”
--- interesting personification.


鹿柴
王维


空山不见人,
但闻人语响;
返景入深林,
复照青苔上。

The Deer Enclosure
By Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty

In empty hill no one is in sight
But the voice of human echoes
Into deep woods shines the twilight
On the green moss too it glows

Tr: Yuntian

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


The Deer Enclosure
By Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty
Tr. Yuntian

In the empty mountain no one is in sight
Yet human voices are echoing in the ravine;
Through deep woods filters the twilight
Which then reflects upon moss so green.

By Immanuel
This vacant mountain appears to entertain none
Yet I hear voices going on and on
Withdrawn to the deep forest
on verdant moss again the Sun comes to rest
        

#47  Re: 王维:山居秋暝             Go Back
How the sunset inaugurated a splendid sight
Only to dwindle quickly into the twilight!
---- “dwindle” presents such a vivid image here. Bravo!!!

Thank you again my friend for your wonderful work!


“the ancient (battle ?) plain” :

zt:
乐游原:在长安(今西安)城南,是唐代长安城内地势最高地。汉宣帝立乐游庙,又名乐游苑、乐游原。登上它可望长安城。 乐游原在秦代属宜春苑的一部分,得名于西汉初年。



I can hardly come up with anything new for this poem, just a few minor changes:


樂遊原
(唐) 李商隱

向晚意不適,驅車登古原.
夕陽無限好,只是近黃昏.

Le-You Plateau
By Li Shangyin of Tang Dynasty

Towards evening I feel down and low
Riding a wagon up the ancient plateau
Though sunset is such a splendid sight
It’s fast approaching the hour of twilight

Tr: Yuntian

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Plateau of Le-You
by Li Shangyin of Tang Dynasty
Tr. Yuntian

Towards evening hour I feel a bit low
And ride in a coach up the ancient plateau.
The sunset is such a splendid sight
Only it’s about to fade into the twilight.

By Immanuel
When evening closed in my heart hardly found fain
Rushing my chariot I consorted to the ancient (battle ?) plain
How the sunset inaugurated a splendid sight
Only to dwindle quickly into the twilight!
        

#48  《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
YunTian:

I am amazed by your extensive knowledge of our classics. I feel embarrassed to share with you that, after long year's abandonment, my Chinese dropped like a rocket, out of shape and in ruins...:)

Few poets you worked with here are my favorites as well. LiShangYin, LiuYuXi, I love them very much. I have their works in PDF files. If you need them, let me know. I used to have paper copies. Well, you know life.

谢谢对乐游原的注释,可见我诗文的功底浅薄。翻译时将“返景”视为落日,也是凭印象,不知当否。

与云天戏文有赠
君在江之口,我在江之冲。
分水汇西海,连山借东风。
何须识容貌,如此证心通。
雁声断断里,消息到云中。


Last modified on 02/04/13 23:25
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#49  《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
鹿柴
王维


空山不见人,
但闻人语响;
返景入深林,
复照青苔上。

The Deer Enclosure
By Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty

In empty hill no one is in sight
But the voice of human echoes
Into deep woods shines the twilight
On the green moss too it glows

Immauel:

By Immanuel
I found none in this empty mountain
Yet all day I heard them speaking here and again
Now, laying on the verdant moss deep in the forest
even the Sun finally withdraws to rest

( I added some indicators of time to illustrate a day's "miserable" journey by Wang .)
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#50  Re: 《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
鹿柴
王维


空山不见人,
但闻人语响;
返景入深林,
复照青苔上。


By Immanuel
I found none in this empty mountain
Yet all day I heard them speaking here and again
Now, laying on the verdant moss deep in the forest
even the Sun finally withdraws to rest

( I added some indicators of time to illustrate a day's "miserable" journey by Wang .)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now, laying on the verdant moss deep in the forest
even the Sun finally withdraws to rest
( I added some indicators of time to illustrate a day's "miserable" journey by Wang .)

----Interesting interpretation. You are very good at wordplay. (laying-- lying? )



翻译时将“返景”视为落日,也是凭印象,不知当否。
---- You got excellent memory.


As for my 诗文功底, it is really 浅薄, but I can always google for help.

Thanks for your kind offer, my friend. I have a few books too, including 寒山秋水, a collection of Wang Wei's poems.

zt:
诗中的"景"即是"影"。
返影∶指日落时分,阳光返射到东方的景象。


Last modified on 02/09/13 03:18
        

#51  Re: 《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
Immanuel,

Thanks for your kind words, my friend. I'm flattered, but don't quite deserve it. As for ancient poetry, you have my admiration.


多谢赠诗,非常感动。几行拙译,聊表谢意。 敬请斧正。
你的古体诗对仗工整,端的了得。

与云天戏文有赠
君在江之口,我在江之冲。
分水汇西海,连山借东风。
何须识容貌,如此证心通。
雁声断断里,消息到云中。

Thou live at the mouth of the river
And I settle along the riverside
Into west sea the streams meet together
By east wind hills are connected side by side
As for your looks, why bother to know
This already proves we understand each other
Hark, the wild geese are crying high and low
Sending messages up to the wild blue yonder

祝新春快乐!


Last modified on 02/09/13 19:16
        

#52  《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
云天吾友。。。:)也祝你新春快乐。。。谢谢你的用心的翻译。再写一首,平仄不调。画蛇之足,为博君一粲。

元月与云天同喜再寄

消息来到夜未阑
风雪闻度草初见(现)
鹏翅举时造沧海
蝶茧化后戏杜鹃
辞外心眼安可道
山中生涯不知年
蹊径深深何处寻
种桃人来为此缘


Last modified on 02/22/13 16:42
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#53  Re: 《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
Immanuel 吾友,多谢多谢。 开心,”同喜“,祝君新年吉祥如意。

这首诗颇有古风禅意,处处用典,随手拈来,可见古文功底之深,佩服。 但译的难度太大,知难而退。


”山中生涯不知年“,拙译一首,以谢吾友:

答人
太上隐者

偶来松树下,高枕石头眠。
山中无历日,寒尽不知年。

The Reply
A Heavenly Hermit

On occasion I come under the pine tree
Upon a pillow of rock I rest my head and knee
Living in the mountain who keeps a calendar
The exact year is unknown at the end of winter

Tr. Yuntian
        

#54  《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
很喜欢王维的《鸟鸣涧》,抛砖引玉:


鸟鸣涧
王维

人闲桂花落,
夜静春山空。
月出惊山鸟,
时鸣春涧中。


Among Streams Birds Sing
By Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty

In quietness people hear osmanthus flowers falling
Empty is the the mountain in the deep night of spring
As mountain birds are startled by the rising moon
Now and then among spring streams they croon

Tr. Yuntian
        

#55  《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
云天,我的只是乱写,根本想不起确定的典故。谢谢你的用心。

你的翻译已是上佳。不揣浅陋,再来弄一下破斧。

鸟鸣涧
王维

人闲桂花落,
夜静春山空。
月出惊山鸟,
时鸣春涧中。


Among Streams Birds Sing
By Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty

In quietness people hear osmanthus flowers falling
Empty is the the mountain in the deep night of spring
As mountain birds are startled by the rising moon
Now and then among spring streams they croon

Tr. Yuntian

------------

At my leisure, I watched osmanthus flowers graciously falling
That evening was so quiet that none seemed to be around in the spring mountain
But when the moon rised, how the birds were stirred into singing
I could hear them twitter and chitter along the river now and again

Tr. Immanuel Sun

(more of paraphrasing than translating)
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#56  《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
Also help me to correct the title of the post. You are the true author of it...:)
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#57  Re: 《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
Yes, my friend, I hear you.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful works.

Wish you and everyone here a happy Lantern Festival!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGslw2dW9kg


Immanuel wrote: (2/22/2013 14:34)
Also help me to correct the title of the post. You are the true author of it...:)

        

#58  Re: 《乐游原》《鹿柴》《秋风引》《伤秋》 by Immanuel             Go Back
Immanuel 谬赞了。 我译着玩而已。

"I could hear them twitter and chitter along the river now and again"
--- very nice.


"只是乱写,根本想不起确定的典故"
--- WOW, 段位很高么。


Immanuel 好功底,我来猜两句:

鹏翅举时造沧海:
《庄子•内篇•逍遥游第一》 北冥有鱼,其名为鲲。鲲之大,不知其几千里也。化而为鸟,其名为鹏。鹏之背,不知其几千里也。怒而飞,其翼若垂天之云。是鸟也,海运则将徙于南冥。南冥者,天池也。

蝶茧化后戏杜鹃:
李商隐的《锦瑟》:庄生晓梦迷蝴蝶,望帝春心托杜鹃。



Immanuel wrote: (2/22/2013 14:23)
云天,我的只是乱写,根本想不起确定的典故。谢谢你的用心。

你的翻译已是上佳。不揣浅陋,再来弄一下破斧。

鸟鸣涧
王维

人闲桂花落,
夜静春山空。
月出惊山鸟,
时鸣春涧中。

At my leisure, I watched osmanthus flowers graciously falling
That evening was so quiet that none seemed to be around in the spring mountain
But when the moon rised, how the birds were stirred into singing
I could hear them twitter and chitter along the river now and again

Tr. Immanuel Sun

(more of paraphrasing than translating)

        

#59  王维的《鸟鸣涧》             Go Back
:) Great, my friend... Know that you're greatly appreciated! Bring my greetings to yours...May you all be richly blessed!
--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*
世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#60  Re: 王维的《鸟鸣涧》             Go Back
Thanks my friend for your well wishes! Truly appreciate your kindness. Wish you all the best!

Happy spring!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mz5Rtx-Eu0

        

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