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#1【诗歌翻译 】   蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》《细雨欲落》《孤独者》《炼金术》             Go Back
网上盛传朱令诗译《大麦歌》:
http://my.cnd.org/modules/wfsection/article.php?articleid=35938

大麦俯身偃,
海滨有低地。
巨风动地来,
放歌殊未已。

大麦俯身偃,
既偃且复起。
颠仆不能折,
昂扬伤痛里。

我生也柔弱,
日夜逝如此。
只把千古愁,
化作临风曲。

【注:此为朱令高中时期的译作】

原文:

Like Barley

by Sarah Teasdale

Like Barley Bending
In low fields by the sea
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly

Like Barley Bending
And rising again
So would I,unbroken
Rise from pain

So would I softly
Day long,night long
Change my sorrow
Into a song


Last modified on 05/02/15 23:51
        

#2  大麦歌             Go Back
初读朱令诗译,颇为惊艳。 一个高中生如此身手,令我汗颜。 叹息天妒才女。。。

后来读到李敖诗译,原来如此。 大概好心人想帮忙吧。
李敖的诗译在网上读过几首,确实厉害。 他批余光中是有资本的。


http://my.cnd.org/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=82519&forum=2&start=0&viewmode=flat&order=0

《李敖大全集》第32卷264页有李敖1960翻译的《大麦诗》:
麦穗曲身偃,
滨海低田瘠,
疾风动地来,
高歌何能已。

麦穗曲身偃,
既偃又复起,
颠扑不为折,
昂然疮痛里。

我生亦柔弱,
日夜逝如彼,
强把万斛愁,
化作临风曲。
        

#3  大麦歌             Go Back
凑兴涂两行:

大麦歌
萨拉。蒂斯黛尔

俯身若大麦
海边洼地里
凛凛厉风中
声声唱不息

俯身若大麦
摧弯复挺直
我亦不折腰
伤痛犹自立

我当柔且韧
白昼继暗夜
忧愁化心曲
仰面放声歌

云天译

May 2013


Like Barley

by Sarah Teasdale

Like Barley Bending
In low fields by the sea
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly

Like Barley Bending
And rising again
So would I,unbroken
Rise from pain

So would I softly
Day long,night long
Change my sorrow
Into a song
        

#4  蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》及其它             Go Back
2010 年旧译

There Will Come Soft Rains
Sara Teasdale

细雨欲落
萨拉。蒂斯黛尔

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound,

细雨欲落, 泥土芬芳,
燕子翻飞, 婉啭鸣唱.

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white.

蛙声四起, 夜笼池塘,
荒野李花, 洁白飘香.

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

知更鸟儿, 披上红裳,
矮篱之上, 痴吟梦想.

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done,

战火燃烧, 堙灭真相,
成败谁家, 世人皆忘.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;

人类相残, 终会消亡,
鸟木无心, 处哀不伤.

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

春神梦断, 晨光初放,
醒时不觉, 人烟渺茫.


云天译
May 2010

_____________________________________________________________


发挥版:

There Will Come Soft Rains

细雨欲飘落


There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

任细雨缠绕丝丝青发, 深吸一口泥土的芬芳,
看乳燕翻飞, 和着她的呢喃我轻吟岁月情殇;

And frogs in the pool singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;

月色如水, 结伴的青蛙低唱池塘三月的韶光,
荒野不老,树树李花悸动着青春纯洁的狂放;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

为赶前世的约会, 知更鸟着一袭火红的盛装,
静候在矮篱上, 梳理着藏满羽翼的奇思怪想;

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.

尘世不绝的烽烟, 怎能翻越滚滚的红尘万丈,
谁在意成败谁家, 曲终人散, 留下一场空荡.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;

人类会否最终毁灭, 你我他, 谁又会多思量,
鸟雀在云天展翅歌唱, 树叶在风中簌簌做响;

And Spring herself when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone

拂晓的鸟鸣, 惊醒醉梦的春天,零乱了残妆,
顾不得留意随风远去的世人,却见烟水苍茫。

云天译
May 2010
        

#5  蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》及其它             Go Back
The Solitary
Sara Teasdale

孤独者
萨拉. 蒂丝黛儿

My heart has grown rich with the passing of years,
I have less need now than when I was young
To share myself with every comer
Or shape my thoughts into words with my tongue.


穿过岁月的流水的我日渐丰盈的心
早已消瘦了年轻时有过的渴望
不再向每个过客敞开心扉
也无意用口舌舒卷我难言的情思

It is one to me that they come or go
If I have myself and the drive of my will,
And strength to climb on a summer night
And watch the stars swarm over the hill.

倘若没有迷失的我, 仍握着信念,
在仲夏的夜晚奋力攀上山巅
看满天繁星奔涌如潮
那么, 客来客往, 于我又有何异.

Let them think I love them more than I do,
Let them think I care, though I go alone;
If it lifts their pride, what is it to me
Who am self-complete as a flower or a stone.

就让他们以为我对他们爱意绵绵,
就让他们以为我在意, 尽管我独行于世;
假若他们因而平添虚荣, 那又关我何事
我独善其身, 美如夏花, 坚若磐石.

云天译
June 2010
        

#6  蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》《细雨欲落》《孤独者》             Go Back
Thanks. 且容我慢慢拜读!
        

#7  Re: 蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》及其它             Go Back
我怎么觉得这个人的诗歌很合我的口味呢?



云天 wrote: (5/13/2013 23:4)
The Solitary
Sara Teasdale

孤独者
萨拉. 蒂丝黛儿

My heart has grown rich with the passing of years,
I have less need now than when I was young
To share myself with every comer
Or shape my thoughts into words with my tongue.


穿过岁月的流水的我日渐丰盈的心
早已消瘦了年轻时有过的渴望
不再向每个过客敞开心扉
也无意用口舌舒卷我难言的情思

It is one to me that they come or go
If I have myself and the drive of my will,
And strength to climb on a summer night
And watch the stars swarm over the hill.

倘若没有迷失的我, 仍握着信念,
在仲夏的夜晚奋力攀上山巅
看满天繁星奔涌如潮
那么, 客来客往, 于我又有何异.

Let them think I love them more than I do,
Let them think I care, though I go alone;
If it lifts their pride, what is it to me
Who am self-complete as a flower or a stone.

就让他们以为我对他们爱意绵绵,
就让他们以为我在意, 尽管我独行于世;
假若他们因而平添虚荣, 那又关我何事
我独善其身, 美如夏花, 坚若磐石.

云天译
June 2010

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自得其乐
        

#8  Re: 蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》及其它             Go Back
不揣浅薄,附骥君尾。顺祝万安诸好。

遗世之人
莎拉·狄斯德尔

我的心随岁月的流逝而日渐丰溢
所求无多再不象年轻时那样幼稚
要向每个新认识的人分享自己
要为每个念头饶舌去矫揉雕饰

对我,纷来熙往的只是一个过客
若我还拥有着自我和对心愿的把握
夏夜里还有气力攀登不辍
山顶上看那繁星奔汇涌落

就让他们以为我爱他们更多
就让他们以为我还在意刻刻
尽管我早已遗世而离索
如果这让他们更自高自得
又与我而何多
一花一石好在其能自足自乐


Last modified on 07/14/13 23:32
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世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#9  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Like Barley
by Sarah Teasdale

麦歌
莎拉·狄斯德尔


Like Barley Bending
In low fields by the sea
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly
如麦之伏
在滨之谷
歌吟无休
疾风无阻

Like Barley Bending
And rising again
So would I,unbroken
Rise from pain
如麦之扑
扑而复矗
不破此身
当破此苦


So would I softly
Day long,night long
Change my sorrow
Into a song
人如斯婉
日如夜阑
将此心悲
长歌当挽


Last modified on 05/29/13 14:28
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世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#10  There will come soft rains             Go Back
There Will Come Soft Rains
Sara Teasdale

微雨欲度
莎拉·狄斯德尔

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound,
微雨欲度泥欲香
轻燕拟飞歌拟狂

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white.
池中夜蛙鸣自在
野外白李开芬芳

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
知更忙试新衣火
小篱闲吹旧梦长

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done,
倩谁记取兵火日
战事既休人既忘

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
置如鸟树不关心
倾尔众生亦平常

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
便是春主醒于晨
不知吾辈邈以亡


Last modified on 05/29/13 14:40
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世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#11  Re: There will come soft rains             Go Back
这几首诗都喜欢,翻译读起来也有味道。


Immanuel wrote: (5/29/2013 14:22)
There Will Come Soft Rains
Sara Teasdale

微雨欲度
莎拉·狄斯德尔

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound,
微雨欲度泥欲香
轻燕拟飞歌拟狂

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white.
池中夜蛙鸣自在
野外白李开芬芳

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
知更忙试新衣火
小篱闲吹旧梦长

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done,
倩谁记取兵火日
战事既休人既忘

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
置如鸟树不关心
倾尔众生亦平常

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
便是春主醒于晨
不知吾辈邈以亡

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自得其乐
        

#12  Re: 蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》及其它             Go Back
Hey my friend, what wind has blown you back here? Good to see you again.
多谢多谢。 也祝君万安如意。

君之美译,大赏,学习。 标题新颖,译文流畅。

If it lifts their pride,
就算能把他们的傲慢揭破
--- 这句似可商议。 个见。



Immanuel wrote: (5/29/2013 0:29)
不揣浅薄,附骥君尾。顺祝万安诸好。

遗世之人
莎拉·狄斯德尔

我的心随岁月的流逝而日渐丰溢
所求无多再不象年轻时那样幼稚
要向每个新认识的人分享自己
要为每个念头饶舌去矫揉雕饰

对我,纷来熙往的只是一个过客
若我还拥有着自我和对心愿的把握
夏夜里还有气力攀登不辍
山顶上看那繁星奔汇涌落

就让他们以为我爱他们更多
就让他们以为我还在意刻刻
尽管我早已遗世而离索

就算能把他们的傲慢揭破
又与我而何多
一花一石好在其能自足自得

        

#13  Re: 蒂斯黛尔的《大麦歌》及其它             Go Back
站长必定崇尚瓦尔登湖。

还译过几首。太忙,有闲再翻箱底。



BBB wrote: (5/13/2013 21:13)
我怎么觉得这个人的诗歌很合我的口味呢?


        

#14  Re: There will come soft rains             Go Back
诗译足见Immanuel 君古文功底深厚。
尤喜“小篱闲吹旧梦长”。 很情趣。



Immanuel wrote: (5/29/2013 11:22)
There Will Come Soft Rains
Sara Teasdale

微雨欲度
莎拉·狄斯德尔

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound,
微雨欲度泥欲香
轻燕拟飞歌拟狂

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum-trees in tremulous white.
池中夜蛙鸣自在
野外白李开芬芳

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
知更忙试新衣火
小篱闲吹旧梦长

And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done,
倩谁记取兵火日
战事既休人既忘

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
置如鸟树不关心
倾尔众生亦平常

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
便是春主醒于晨
不知吾辈邈以亡



Last modified on 06/02/13 13:30
        

#15  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
译文贴切,古风淳淳。
不破此身/当破此苦 --- wonderful interpretation.

看到“夜阑”二字,浮起陆游诗句:“夜阑卧听风吹雨,铁马冰河入梦来”。


Thank you so much my friend for sharing your wonderful work. Best wishes.


Immanuel wrote: (5/29/2013 0:48)
Like Barley
by Sarah Teasdale

麦歌
莎拉·狄斯德尔


Like Barley Bending
In low fields by the sea
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly
如麦之伏
在滨之谷
歌吟无休
疾风无阻

Like Barley Bending
And rising again
So would I,unbroken
Rise from pain
如麦之扑
扑而复矗
不破此身
当破此苦


So would I softly
Day long,night long
Change my sorrow
Into a song
人如斯婉
日如夜阑
将此心悲
长歌当挽

        

#16  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
多谢站长的鼓励。
云天, 久违了。

If it lifts their pride,
就算能把他们的傲慢揭破
--- 这句似可商议。 个见。

我误以为为lift是揭开的意思。多谢指正。你说还有旧作,等待你的分享。
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世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#17  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Always wonderful to see you, Little Sun.
总是忙忙忙。迟复为歉。这段时间小说读/听得多些,以后可能会译小说多些,代替读后感。

To entice your jade:

Alchemy
Sara Teasdale

I lift my heart as spring lifts up
A yellow daisy to the rain;
My heart will be a lovely cup
Altho' it holds but pain.
For I shall learn from flower and leaf
That color every drop they hold,
To change the lifeless wine of grief
To living gold.

炼金术
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔

我捧着我的心,仿佛春天
捧着一茎黄雏菊迎向雨;
我的心将是盏美丽的杯子
尽管它盛满苦楚。

因为我当效仿一花一叶
它们让每粒雨珠色彩斑斓,
我当把死气沉沉的苦酒
化作金子,生机盎然。

云天译

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

炼金术
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔

我托起我的心,犹如春天
托起一茎黄雏菊迎向雨;
我的心将是盏精美的杯子
尽管它装满苦楚。
花朵和绿叶把捧着的每粒雨珠
都涂金染翠,我当效之仿之,
将死气沉沉的苦酒
化作生机灿灿的金子。

云天再译


Last modified on 07/06/13 18:42
        

#18  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
云天友, 另线小及翻译之法,此处明分炼金之术。仿佛此响而彼应。

我只是门外汉,讲不得信达雅。我的意见,有水平的文学翻译是要有文字素养和文学功底的。然而绝好者,非别才不可。尤其译诗。而译诗,又以哲理诗为尤。好的翻译对诗理要酝酿通透,而文字精到,意境悠游处又有韵格字句不能所限者。可以说是”再创作“。

鄙论肤浅,敢值一钱。博君一粲而已。喜见新作,不揣浅陋,板门弄斧一下。 又, 多年不读写中文了,古怪地文白不辨了。见谅云云。



炼金术
莎拉 · 蒂斯黛尔

我举着我的心,如春天,
向细雨举起了一盏黄黄的雏菊;

我的心,也会是一盏好杯,

尽管盛着的,只是痛苦。


因为, 我将学花和叶,
明丽了每一点雨津;
会把这死(沉)的苦酒,
炼成那生(动)的真金。


Last modified on 06/25/13 05:49
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世多浮波客,我是波上舟
        

#19  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Immanuel 友,

"此处明分炼金之术。仿佛此响而彼应。"
---- 有吗? 随便贴一首而已。:)

好见解,拜读。好的诗译的确是”再创作“。
关于翻译,那些大师们也所见不同。 很多时候,还要看自己的文字风格同原诗是否契合。
我只是玩玩而已。就这样,有时就已经够折腾了。

Immanuel 好文字,却总是过谦得很。弄得我都不好意思抛砖了。


多谢分享, 你的诗译很不错。 “雨津”一词,我就没用过,也想不到。

“我举着我的心,如春天,
向细雨举起了一盏黄黄的雏菊;
”
--- 译得漂亮。

"炼成"二字用得也好极。


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

再折腾一回:


Alchemy
Sara Teasdale

I lift my heart as spring lifts up
A yellow daisy to the rain;
My heart will be a lovely cup
Altho' it holds but pain.
For I shall learn from flower and leaf
That color every drop they hold,
To change the lifeless wine of grief
To living gold.

炼金术
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔

我托起我的心,犹如春天
托起一茎黄雏菊迎向雨;
我的心将是盏精美的杯子
尽管它装满苦楚。
花朵绿叶把捧着的每粒雨珠
都涂金染翠,我当效之仿之,
将死气沉沉的苦酒
化作生机灿灿的金子。

云天译


Last modified on 07/07/13 02:26
        

#20  Re: 大麦歌             Go Back
Let It Be Forgotten
SARA TEASDALE

Let it be forgotten, as a flower is forgotten,
Forgotten as a fire that once was singing gold,
Let it be forgotten for ever and ever,
Time is a kind friend, he will make us old.

If anyone asks, say it was forgotten
Long and long ago,
As a flower, as a fire, as a hushed footfall
In a long forgotten snow.

忘却
莎拉。蒂斯黛尔

忘掉它,就像忘掉一朵花,
忘掉一团金子般歌唱的火苗,
永远,永远忘掉它,
时光良友,他让我们都变老。

谁若问起,就说很久很久以前
就已经忘却,
像一朵花,一团火,一个静寂的足音
湮灭于早已遗忘的冬雪。


云天译


Last modified on 07/14/13 23:32
        



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