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【古诗英译 】 《柳浪》- 王维
《柳浪》- 王维

分行接绮树,
倒影入清漪。
不学御沟上,
春风伤别离。


A Quatrain By Wang Wei

Albeit apart, willows close row by row,
Reflecting in the ripples side by side.
Do not learn from the moat-side willows, oh!
When spring breeze comes, so sad they oft can’t bide.

Tr. Ziyuzile




   
  yuntian     03/06/2016 20:51
欣赏自娱君美译!

赏学之余,凑兴:

《柳浪》- 王维

分行接绮树,
倒影入清漪。
不学御沟上,
春风伤别离。


The Willow Waves
by Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty

The fine-lined willows stand row by row
In clear ripples their reflections glow
Do not follow those by royal moat
Whose twigs cry farewells when spring winds blow

Tr. Yuntian
   
  yuntian     03/06/2016 20:52
二胡《柳浪戲鶯》香港中樂團 陸雲霞

   
  yuntian     03/06/2016 20:59
阳关折柳送古人

陽關三疊

   
  自娱自乐     03/06/2016 21:01
好译,妙译!非常喜欢!赏学了!哈哈哈
   
  自娱自乐     03/06/2016 21:06
《栾家濑》- 王维

飒飒秋雨中,
浅浅石溜泻。
跳波自相溅,
白鹭惊复下。

A Quatrain By Wang Wei
(The Luan Jia Rapids)

In the whispering autumn rain,
The skipping rapids splash amain
O'er the rocks and scare the egrets,
The startled soon alight again.

tr. Ziyuzile
   
  yuntian     03/07/2016 01:23
自娱君真是快手啊!

原诗好像没提到fish? 哦,白鹭吃鱼。 明天再细读。
飒飒:“风飒飒兮木萧萧”。


另,多谢谬赞。继续向你学习。 :)
   
  自娱自乐     03/07/2016 03:17
Yeah, it is my bad:)) I am still chewing on it...
   
  自娱自乐     03/07/2016 06:19
Yeah, the wind soughs....
   
  自娱自乐     03/07/2016 10:58
Yeah, the wind soughs....
   
  BBB     03/07/2016 21:47
这只二胡听好听。


yuntian wrote: (3/6/2016 20:52)
二胡《柳浪戲鶯》香港中樂團 陸雲霞



   
  yuntian     03/07/2016 22:02
站长喜欢。开心。

自娱君,我家断网。手机打字极慢。 改天再回
   
  自娱自乐     03/08/2016 15:11
没关系的。我还在他人的批评斧正下修改老苏的南乡子呢,呵呵呵,同时我也在这边改,感觉越来越接近原文了,当然还望云天君也能多多指教!
   
  yuntian     03/09/2016 01:39
我诗词翻译皆外行,“指教”? 自娱君讲笑。自娱君精益求精,大赞!


“晚風拂柳笛聲殘,夕陽山外山。”
   
  自娱自乐     03/09/2016 15:49
《金屑泉》- 王维

日饮金屑泉,
少当千馀岁。
翠凤翊文螭,
羽节朝玉帝。

A Quatrain By Wang Wei
(The Gold Stream)

If you'd imbibe that Gold Stream every day,
Your longevity would forever stay.
Astride a dragon with feathers in hand,
To Jade King a green phoenix leads your way.

Tr. Ziyuzile
   
  自娱自乐     03/09/2016 15:56
我也是外行,呵呵呵,只是喜欢瞎鼓捣练练脑子而已。当然了,现在能和云天君时常探讨学习,真的受益匪浅,谢谢云天君!
   
  自娱自乐     03/09/2016 16:04
非常喜欢这首歌,我依稀记得以前鼓捣翻译过这首歌词,但现在记不得放在哪儿了。谢谢云天君分享李叔同的美诗!远握!
   
  自娱自乐     03/09/2016 17:45
赏学之余,凑兴:

《柳浪》- 王维

分行接绮树,
倒影入清漪。
不学御沟上,
春风伤别离。


The Willow Waves
by Wang Wei of Tang Dynasty

The fine-lined willows stand row by row
In clear ripples their reflections glow
Do not follow those by royal moat
Whose twigs cry farewells when spring winds blow

Tr. Yuntian

------------------------------------
译的非常之好!特别欣赏学习到了 follow, 非常贴切,大赏!我开始的思路被韵脚给束缚了,个人觉得 O 韵是最自然。云天君完全可以一韵到底。
   
  yuntian     03/10/2016 01:51
自娱君也不必找旧译了。 快手再译就是。

谢自娱君鼓励。是可以一韵到底。我想让"whose“ 更靠近上行的"those".
看来我们爱玩翻译的都比较留心用词。

自娱君客气了。互相切磋吧。
   
  yuntian     03/10/2016 01:55
Very nice!

第二句可否说 Forever alive you would stay


自娱自乐 wrote: (3/9/2016 12:49)
《金屑泉》- 王维

...

   
  自娱自乐     03/10/2016 03:38
靠近?那上下最好不过了,

Try:

Those by (the) Royal moat O don't follow,
Whose twigs cry...blah...blah...

Hahaha, well, just kidding, hahaha, yours looks perfect to me:))
   
  自娱自乐     03/10/2016 03:39
个人感觉 logevity 似乎沾点仙气,哈哈哈,of course, alive is good!
   
  自娱自乐     03/10/2016 04:19
云天君,想想其实很简单 就是 forever young you will stay ...
   
  自娱自乐     03/10/2016 04:35
If thou dost drink that Gold Stream every day,
Oh forever young thou wilt stay.
Astride a dragon with feathers in hand
To Jade King a green Phoenix leadeth thy way.
   
  自娱自乐     03/10/2016 20:51
《北垞》- 王维

北垞湖水北,
杂树映朱阑。
逶迤南川水,
明灭青林端。

A Quatrain By Wang Wei
(The North Hill)

The north hill stands on the north shore,
Where th’ red shrubs hedge the trees galore.
The South Stream’s winding the green woods,
Lo, it’s gone, O, there it makes for.

Tr. Ziyuzile
   
  yuntian     03/10/2016 21:06
我就是从这句变的。 这样更好。



自娱自乐 wrote: (3/10/2016 1:19)
云天君,想想其实很简单 就是 forever young you will stay ...

   
  yuntian     03/10/2016 21:09
实在跟不上自娱君的速度。

这段时间上网太多。 以后还是一周上网一到两次。细水长流。 不然我很快会戒网。 请自娱君见谅。
   
  自娱自乐     03/10/2016 21:14
好的,细水长流。我也要准备休假去纽约看望年老父母了,所以也准备网休一段时间。深深问候,远握!
   
  yuntian     03/10/2016 21:19
wow, 去纽约啊。 祝令尊令堂身体安康! 祝自娱君一路顺风! 远握!


另外几首,我晚些再来回。
   
  yuntian     03/11/2016 00:49
Beautiful!



自娱自乐 wrote: (3/10/2016 1:35)
If thou dost drink that Gold Stream every day,
Oh forever young thou wilt stay.
Astride a dragon with feathers in hand
To Jade King a green Phoenix leadeth thy way.

   
  yuntian     03/11/2016 00:52
朱阑 --- 朱栏?


辋川集 (王维)/南垞

轻舟南垞去,北垞淼难即。
隔浦望人家,遥遥不相识。




自娱自乐 wrote: (3/10/2016 17:51)
《北垞》- 王维

北垞湖水北,
杂树映朱阑。
逶迤南川水,
明灭青林端。

。。。

   
  yuntian     03/11/2016 00:54
Forever Young

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

....



Forever Young by JOAN BAEZ





自娱自乐 wrote: (3/10/2016 1:19)
云天君,想想其实很简单 就是 forever young you will stay ...

   
  yuntian     03/12/2016 18:36
自娱君,我第一句的"row by row" 是借用你的美译。跟在你后面译当然容易多了。 :)

yes, by the royal moat, 为了凑音节, 我没有加“the". 哦,忘了可以写成 th'.

我的拙译离”perfect" 远着呢。 就是译着玩。谢鼓励。:)



自娱自乐 wrote: (3/10/2016 0:38)
靠近?那上下最好不过了,

Try:

Those by (the) Royal moat O don't follow,
Whose twigs cry...blah...blah...

Hahaha, well, just kidding, hahaha, yours looks perfect to me:))

   
  yuntian     03/12/2016 18:39
我脑袋慢,时间又不够用。 我只是想 go at a slower pace. 但愿没有冒犯自娱君。
非常欣赏自娱君的才华,学到不少。 多谢!

凑兴: ( 杂树, 自娱君译作“the trees galore”,非常贴切。)

《北垞》--王维

北垞湖水北,
杂树映朱阑。
逶迤南川水,
明灭青林端。

North Hill
by Wang Wei

North Hill sits north of the lake clear and sheen
Amidst varied trees red railings shine bright
Meandering through the woods deep and green
South River glistens in and out of sight

Tr. Yuntian
   
  pesticide     04/19/2017 21:16
Separated in rows, the lovely trees stand one next to another,
Their inverted reflections cast in the clear ripples.
They do not take after the willows by the palace moat,
Which grieve at parting in spring wind.
这样比较准确吧……